My Children Love Hanging Their Organic Underpants in the Sun
A colleague told me a horrible story this morning about her toddler spreading poo-poo all over his crib. Yuck! Little Edie and Little Eddie were both potty trained by the time they were six months old (and even that felt a little late…) They love helping me hand wash their organic cotton underpants and hang them to dry in the sun…
I’m thrilled to report that as of today, I’m back on Tumblr after a very nourishing social media cleanse. Every morning for the past few weeks I’ve lit a Jo Malone London Lime Basil & Mandarin Deluxe Candle (energizing) and reminded myself of my intention to BE. HERE. NOW. while repeating the following mantra: “I like myself. I follow myself. I am my favorite.”
“In the wake of my friend Jill Abramson’s unceremonious firing from the New York Times last week, much has been written about how difficult it is to be a confident woman in today’s workforce without being considered a b-word. As a female executive myself (I’m the SVP of a boutique digital marketing agency in SoHo) I thought now would be a good time to share my advice for being both confident and likable…”—http://saltedscarletry.com/2014/05/20/confident-without-b-word/
Take 1 pound of chia. Add 2 bushels organic kale, an acre of acai and twelve miles of flax. Blend while holding loving thoughts in your heart. Say a prayer for wounded kittens. Do 13 minutes of Kegel exercises. Enjoy.
“Mariel Hemingway gets up early, perhaps as an unconscious homage to her famous grandfather, to watch the sun rise. Each morning, while still in bed, she and her live-in boyfriend, an erstwhile stuntman and actor named Bobby Williams, begin a series of predawn exercises that consist of breathing, stretching, contemplating the things they’re grateful for and visualizing the day ahead. Hemingway then makes the bed and a pot of jasmine green tea. She fills the hummingbird feeders with organic sugar water, feeds organic soy-free meal to the brood of egg-laying hens that live in her backyard and heads back to the kitchen to prepare a smoothie.”
Thank you Goop for this outstanding Mother’s Day gift idea: A signed copy of “It’s All Good,” Gwyneth’s cookbook! What better way to honor your mother. As the Goop website says itself, “The photos are stunning, and more than just recipes, they emanate this clean and healthy (yet intensely interested in beauty and taste) lifestyle.” Viva la madre!
I always get a burst of energy at this time of day! 5-7pm is just such a relaxing window of time for me, where everything seems particularly easy. I’m charged up from an invigorating day of work and excited to pick up the kids, cook dinner, do the dishes, give the kids baths, read them stories, put them to bed, put them in bed again, reconnect romantically with Teddy, take out the trash, fold the laundry, write a few chapters of my book, soak my cuticles and prepare our overnight oatmeal for the morning. And then, of course, tantric love-making.
If she moans and coos when you touch her a certain way, it’s a good clue that she is enjoying herself and you should keep doing what you are doing.
Ladies, allow me to be direct: if the man you’re sleeping with needs advice like this, you would be better off making sweet sweet love to yourself. Try this gold-plated vibrator, and other luxury sex toys.
Silly men. Thank goodness my Teddy is such a cheetah in the sack!
Arlington, Virginia is apparently allowing students with lice to remain in school, a move that has the support of the American Pediatric Association. Bravo, Arlington… bravo. Lice is an all-natural occurrence and frankly, it’s a lot of fun to treat!
When Eddie had lice last year, we just turned it into a spa day! I gave him a quick apple cider vinegar rinse, then I coated his scalp in coconut oil and let it soak for 6-8 hours, sealing it in with a BPA-free shower cap. He memorized the dictionary to pass the time while I reorganized the closets, brought in 12 new clients for my company and did 250 lunges. As my guru always says, multitasking is like thanking the universe for the gift of life.
After we removed the coconut oil, I spritzed my son’s precious head with thyme-infused filtered water while humming Nordic folks songs (they soothe him, triggering his body’s natural immune system response). Next, a quick application of garlic paste mixed with lime juice to the scalp…and then four hours of scalp massage using a combination of tea tree oil as well as essential oils of lavender, rosemary, clove, eucalyptus, cinnamon, thyme, peppermint, oregano, and ylang ylang, all of which we’d harvested from our garden.
Easy, peasy. And he smelled so lovely!
Caring for our children is such a gift, isn’t it? Now, off to meditate.
"A fit, petite, vivacious blonde, Missy is at age 46 a wife, a mother of four kids ranging in age from 11 to 18 and all in separate schools, a partner at a prestigious Washington, D.C., law firm whose practice takes her on the road several days each month, a party maven always up for a gathering at her Chevy Chase home, a longtime friend to women who profess she’s always there when they need her, and a woman who still manages to give back to the community."
Somebody addressed me as “Melanie” in an email today. I released my anger by knitting an alpaca scarf that I quickly sold on Etsy. Then I gave the proceeds to a homeless person, along with a ginger scone.
Here is a photo I took while I was knitting and having a healthy snack to calm my nerves:
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone! Today I used muddled arugula to make a non-toxic paste and used it to paint shamrocks on the kids’ cheeks. We had our favorite kale smoothies for breakfast, and for lunch I filled their bento boxes with organic edamame, dried sheets of seaweed and avocado slices. I wore my teal Chanel suit, because really, I’m a grown-up, I don’t need to literally wear GREEN…but I’m also naughty, so I used some of the arugula paste to paint a shamrock on my left breast. What a whimsical surprise for Teddy during our evening copulation session!
Oh, I got another promotion and raise at work, and they had another dinner to honor my contributions, leadership, magnetism and tight bod. My coworkers said they were so happy for me and not at all jealous of my meteoric rise. Danica did seem a bit pouty but her live-in boyfriend just broke up with her, and she also got a terribly unflattering haircut, so that’s probably why.
Tip of the day: Clench your butt hole to trigger your creativity.
What a gorgeous weekend. We all tucked away to the Hudson Valley — did you know they have Kombucha on tap up there? It’s like the Brooklyn of the north, with the added benefit of nature’s majesty. The mighty Hudson!
Teddy and I think it’s so important to expose the kids to a simple way of life, so we churned our own butter. Then we wrapped it in cellophane for the kids to give their teachers on Monday (we recently gave up dairy).
Then Teddy and I stayed up late in the hot tub gazing at the stars and planning how to invest our 401k.
Now it’s back to reality: An Oscars party at Gwyneth’s. I’m making vegan pate.
Tip of the day: When tapping your own organic maple syrup, hum the lullaby your mother sang to you as a child — the vibrations entice the sweetness out of hiding, like a child from the birth canal.
Love and abundance,
Tonight the family made bouillabaisse for the local soup kitchen, then Teddy and I helped Eddie build a pyramid for a school project. It was Eddie’s idea to use discarded VHS tapes as building materials a comment on how today’s civilization is built using media instead of natural resources.
Edie was feeling constipated, so I gave her fourteen raw parsnips and twelve glasses of water. That seemed to help.
Tomorrow: The final planning session with Bono for next week’s fundraising concert. Those inner city kids with club foot are going to have the time of their lives. (More on the origins of this project here.)
Now, off to rub my lips with locally harvested bee pollen (pictured above) to soften and plump them.
What an exhilarating week this has been! On Monday we had our annual President’s Day party where all the neighborhood families come over and we collectively reenact over 200 years of Presidential history through poetry and song. One child tried to do a beat poem about LBJ which just didn’t work at all - but, failure is an important learning tool! (That’s what I told his parents.) I made my famous Lincoln cupcakes (gluten free, of course, and I replace the sugar in the recipe with prunes) and we did sun salutations to honor democracy. A good time was had by all.
…from Paris. Teddy whisked me away this morning. Right now we’re sipping champagne after a rather athletic lovemaking session. The moon is full behind the Eiffel Tower.
Tip of the day: When attempting to convince the French room service waiter you aren’t just another boorish American, say (in a convincing French accent) “Je parle seulement un peu de Francais” (“I speak only a little French”). And show a little cleavage.
As I marinate the four wild Alaskan salmon fillets we’ll be having for dinner tonight over a bed of organic bulgur and shiitake mushrooms with a side of organic kale salad… I find myself thinking, it’s been a while since I scrapbooked. It’s time! I’m the North American scrap booking champion, after all! Off to the Paper Source for supplies. And I’ll let Teddy know to pick up a good biodynamic scrapbooking wine.
Tip of the day: To help your family spiritually thrive, clean the inside of your fridge each week with a solution comprised of equal parts organic white vinegar, baking soda and love.
I took a Buzzfeed quiz today that told me I’m most like Samantha from Sex and the City, Monica from Friends and Anna from Frozen. Actually Pixar was making an animated film based on my life but the guy who was working on it choked on a chickpea and died so now it’s in development limbo. Showbiz!
Loved my sunrise yoga practice today, and had a blast doing our weekly grocery shopping at Whole Foods with Teddy and the kids before my morning run. Then I cooked and froze a week’s worth of meals in the slow cooker before jetting off to work, where I had a tremendously productive day and was interviewed by Fast Company for an article on mindful productivity hacks and the meaning of creativity.
Tip of the day: When detangling your children’s hair at bath time, sing Nordic folk songs to calm their nerves.
The continued cold weather is really stoking my inner fire!!! Today I came up with such a good idea at work that my boss awarded me a bonus on the spot. My idea was for the Millennial Moguls Who Matter campaign I’m running. I said, What if we rounded up a van full of millennial social entrepreneurs and put them on an island, and made it into a reality show, and the profits went to help millennials in Haiti? Hash tag: #MMMIsland
Plus I think I can get Bey to record the theme song.
Tip of the day: For strong nails, soak your fingers three times daily in a mix of cruelty-free egg yolks and Chanel No. 5.
Work was SO relaxing today. My clients are all so low-key and quick to defer to my opinions! What a delight.
And now another glorious snowy weekend stretches out before me… so many crafts I’ve downloaded from Pinterest to make with the kids, so little time! I’m not sure what I love more: Counting Popsicle sticks made from reclaimed wood or choosing an Instagram filter for the photos I take of my children’s creations. But best of all is the joy on their faces when they see mommy has planned another perfect Saturday afternoon (their words — not mine!).
Also on Saturday Annie Liebowitz is coming by to photograph me and Teddy — something about a perfect gorgeous couple in love for a Valentine’s Day spread in Vanity Fair — and then Sunday I’m running two half marathons and leading a yoga workshop for street youth and their pit bulls.
Tip of the day: For better orgasms, drink a purée made of one part your lover’s saliva and two parts local organic produce in peak season (do NOT use out of season produce).
Another great moment with a client today: We were shooting a video to promote her line of soaps made from the milk of rehabilitated goats and she came up with a “little brainstorm.” Needless to say, her idea, which involved animatronic goat herds, was…what’s the polite way to put this? ….lacking. Yes. In that it lacked any quality of being….good. Anyway, I pulled her aside and explained why I didn’t think it was the right approach, despite the fact that she obviously had tremendous creativity inside her that deserved recognition, and she said, “Well, you’re the expert! Whatever you think is best! I trust you and put myself in your hands.” Then she complimented my complexion, moral fortitude and public speaking skills, but I’m straying from my point, which is how lucky I am to have clients who appreciate (and more importantly, defer to) my expertise.
Then I came home and Teddy was making dinner while the kids said a prayer for victims of food poisoning. Edie is particularly upset about salmonella outbreaks in spinach crops in the past few years; she’s been drawing a lot of sad pictures of spinach. Eddie’s in more of a cheerful carrots phase, thank goodness, though of course in our house we honor moods of all colors. Teddy was a bit “burnt sienna” earlier but a quickie in the bathroom while the children read their bedtime stories cleared that up.
Off to steam my pores.
Tip of the day: When met with passive aggression, place one turtle shell procured in a cruelty-free manner in the northwest corner of your home for a time period not to exceed seven days. The perpetrator will realize his or her transgression and send you an apology on letterpress stationery, or at least some good vibes.
I got the most lovely email from a client today. “I hope you aren’t thinking about work!,” she said, “because weekends are sacrosanct!” Then she included a link to a slideshow of serene nature photos.
I don’t understand these people who work on the weekend. Rest is so important to our ability to perform at our personal best. That’s why I get at least 13 hours of sleep a night. My friends complain of insomnia, but I don’t understand the problem: Just drink 4 cups of organic sleepytime tea with local raw organic honey, do 40 minutes of restorative yoga, don your silk eye pillow stuffed with organic lavender and flax and climb between your 6,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. How can you not drift off into dreamland?!
Off to catch some delicious z’s.
Tip of the day: For a deep detox, fill your bathtub with filtered water and dandelion greens; soak, sip, repeat.
I’m back from Davos, and I just can’t get enough of the lovely cold weather here in New York! Polar vortex? How about, polar MOREtex*! With every cold, gray day, as I don my cashmere leg warmers and alpaca coat, Burberry scarf and matching hat, I think, “Oh, thank goodness for the warmth of my yoga practice.” Other things for which I’m grateful as the thermometer approaches 14 degrees: the plush handmade afghans I bought from indigent women of Appalachia, hot cocoa exploding with superfoods and the beautiful smell of a new hardcover book (I find I read best in cold weather).
Tip of the day: To keep your skin from chafing in cold weather, apply a thick coating of ethically harvested seal oil twice daily.
Love and abundance, Melody
*Credit where credit is due: That whimsical turn of phrase was Teddy’s idea. Isn’t he darling?
Jetted off to Davos today. Always nice to get some time in Switzerland, though I have to say, it’s hard to find organic food over here! My kingdom for an organic kale smoothie! A bit jet lagged, but of course melatonin and an 8-hour yoga practice helped with that. I miss Teddy and the kids but am so glad to be part of such an important dialogue…and the skiing is to die for!
Tip of the day: When traveling by air, bring an atomizer filled with lavender water (filtered water mixed with organic lavender oil) and spray the people around you on the plane so they chill out and leave you alone to do your knitting and crosswords.
Today I was thinking about how I never ever run out of creative ideas. My team does most of the copywriting these days, but when it’s my turn, the words just flow out of me, and they’re always just the right ones. And I never run out of fun ideas for crafts to make with the kids! Teddy was ribbing me about it this morning after we made passionate love in the shower and I realized, he’s right. But maybe that’s just the afterglow talking ;).
In other news, yet another publication wants to photograph my “perfect” abs. This is getting embarrassing! I relented but only because I want the photographer to work at the benefit I’m planning for inner city kids with club foot. Quid pro quo.
Dinner tonight was roasted humanely raised hormone- and antibiotic-free chicken with a side of creamy organic polenta and roasted kale sprouts (this wonderful kale/Brussels sprouts hybrid I found at the farmers market this weekend). And vegan truffles for dessert.
Now, off to read the latest issue of Harpers and soak my feet in organic paraffin wax.
Tip of the day: Shed a year’s worth of toxins by bathing in a mixture of Kombucha, kale juice and tears.
You might know Amy from her starring role in Parks and Rec, from movies like Baby Mama, from Saturday Night Live, from hosting (and winning!) the Golden Globes, or from her groundbreaking turn as a Young Liz Lemon. But did you know that Amy was one of the founding four members of the…
In the music video for the song “Nouveau Parfum,” Boggie uses herself to illustrate the ubiquitous and damaging effects of the Photoshop myth of feminine perfection; as she sings, her face is digitally altered. As she’s given lighter skin and brighter eyes, the singer waits quietly for her shape to change. At the video’s most arresting moments, her powerful voice rings out above the confusing visual changes being made to her every feature. In this way, the oppressive hold of beauty ideals enters into conversation with an expression of female talent, and Boggie’s personalized and nuanced exploration of digital enhancement comes alive.
Joyous day! Winter Storm Janus left a beautiful blanket of soft hush over my glorious city. This morning after I walked the kids to school, stopping along the way to make snow angels, I met Bono for a bagel. What a mensch! We talked about inner city kids with club foot, and began planning a benefit concert to raise awareness of their plight. I was on fire, if I do say so myself; come to think of it, it might have been the white flour high. There goes my splurge for this quarter! Then it was off to the office, where I lit a fire in the fireplace and curled up on my faux bear skin rug for a cozy afternoon of budget planning. Around 5:00 my neighbor called in a tizzy - could I do her a favor and pick up her son from daycare? No problem! I went to get Jebediah and enjoyed pushing his stroller home two miles uphill on unshoveled sidewalks - what an enjoyable and unexpected workout! My back muscles and quads were just tickled at the challenge. Then I braised some organic collards from the garden, seared some humanely raised hormone-free steaks and popped open a biodynamic Merlot for me and Teddy, and we enjoyed a silent family dinner reflecting on the challenges of privacy in a digital age.
Tip of the day: Keep a gratitude journal where every hour on the hour you write down 100 things you’re grateful for, only they can’t be “things,” they need to be people, ideas, or sensory pleasures, such as the aroma of pine.